Shopping With The Stars

Dress Circle, 10 May 2008

by Emma Shane

©11 May 2008

No one, not even Dress Circle’s paid staff quite knew what to expect of today’s event in aid of The Theatrical Guild, one of our oldest theatre charities, and interestingly one that has had a strong tradition of being run by actresses. An unusual theatre charity in that it is very inclusive supporting all theatre workers, male and female from front of house staff to back stage crew, as well as performers.

Early on it is apparent that on a notice about the day Christopher Biggins’s name had been crossed out of the list of ‘Stars’ taking part, so presumably he won’t be, but the other names are currently still included.

The shop opened at 10:00am, and the first “Star” to arrive, five minutes later, was the event’s coordinator, and current chair of the Theatrical Guild, Liz Robertson. By quarter past ten, she had taken up a position behind the counter, next to DC’s Chris on the till, from where she could help him by getting out the plastic bags (kept under the counter) to put customers’ purchases in. This was a position which throughout the day would be occupied by various stars. Liz makes sure that any customers buying things while she’s beside the till are also given a leaflet about The Guild. At half past ten Baroness Issy Van Randwyck turned up, (in the leaflet about the guild Issy’s name is given with her title). Meanwhile Liz Robertson is now wandering around trying to find where posters they are auctioning should be put up. The paid staff put up the posters that are to be auctioned, but Liz and Issy keep a close eye on where these are going. With Liz very much in the thick of things as organiser, and Issy anxious to make herself useful, by around 11:25 the pair are taping up notices about the silent auction. At around twenty to twelve, with the other ‘Stars’ still absent, Liz resumes the position behind the counter, while Issy slings a red bucket over her arm, and takes a book of raffle tickets to sell, at her place behind the counter Liz also has a book of raffle tickets. On the counter is a white bucket for donations (customers are encouraged to put a donation in this bucket if they want autographs, or to take photographs).

By noon the shop is beginning to fill with customers, and another Star, Ryan Molly, arrives and takes the counter position. The customers include some of Philip Quast’s fans, already waiting for him.. One of the Guild’s staff, Jane Merrow, takes Liz’s set of tickets, while Issy hands her book of raffle tickets, plus the raffle collecting bucket to Liz, who is quite enthusiastic about selling raffle tickets. Her efforts are frequently interrupted by having to take calls on her mobile phone, from the other stars, including one from Philip Quast, still on his way, Liz remarks that he says he’s “Coming up the hill”, as several of PQ’s fans would have heard that, I include this comment in this write up. It this point Ian Talbot enters, he soon proves to be a friendly guy, chatting to customers and staff alike. At this point Young Frankenstein is playing on the sound system, I found this an unexpectedly decent score. Issy returns with her coffee.

At around half past twelve, Philip Quast finally arrives, and soon finds himself behind the counter with a great many autographs to sign, he remarks “it will get even worse when Michael Ball turns up”. Nevertheless Philip is very obliging, and after all everyone who wants an autograph has to put money in the white collecting bucket put on the counter for that purpose. He also finds time to chat extensively to his fans, and particularly makes sure he has a good chat with the Eli (PQG webmaster). Meanwhile Issy is busy trying to persuade people to bid on the silent auction, while organiser Liz confers with DC’s Melanie about the day’s events. DC’s Michael produces a pile of CDs for Philip to sign. More ‘Stars’ are beginning to turn up now, including Linzi Hately, Robert Hands, Philip Bulcock, Stephen Ashfield, Nikolas (Niko) Grace, Glen Carter, Ben-James Ellis, and, Nina Soderquist. Issy seems to be very much Liz’s second-in-command. telling them all where to go etc.

At 12:35 Summer Strallen, of Hollyoaks and Sound Of Music, turns up, as does the press call. Philip Quast departs the counter, while Ian Talbot just mingles with everyone alike in a very relaxed way. At 12:40, now that Summer’s here the ‘Stars’ have a press call photograph in the basement. At 12:50 there is a press call (with microphone) outside the shop, Summer isn’t quite ready for this, so Philip Quast kindly goes outside to explain to the press reporter all about the Theatrical Guild and today’s event. Robert Hands is another who fits very well into today’s event, chatting to anyone and everyone alike. At 1pm however he and a number of the others have to leave, as they have a matinee. It’s now Issy’s turn to talk to the press, this she combines with ruthlessly handing out flyers for her forthcoming new show, and then a press photographer (possibly Roy Tan)’s camera falls off it’s tripod onto the ground, startling Issy. Long leggy Nadia from Dirty Dancing turns up and is introduced to Philip, who is now back behind the counter. Eventually the Dirty Dancing folk have to go, as does anyone else who has a matinee. Issy also departs.

By around twenty past one things die down, so much so, that Liz suggests to the remaining customers that now might be a good time to go and have lunch. She says she expects more people to come around 2pm. Even Liz herself took a short break around quarter to two. However, Philip Quast remained behind the counter. At around 2pm, Liz returned, and relieved the raffle seller, possibly Jane from the Guild. Philip told Liz that he would stay another ten minutes. One lady customer was looking for female vocal CDs for Rogers & Hart, Porter, and, Coward. Liz tries to help a little, but it’s a tricky problem, Philip spends quite some time helping the girl locate the albums she wants. He is so helpful and knowledgeable that the girl thinks he’s one of the shop staff! It’s only when she asks of one CD he mentions “Do you stock that?” that he has to explain “I don’t work here”. He really did help her like a real pro shop assistant. Presently Philip departs, and by about twenty past two things are really quiet. Liz is by the counter, while a few customers are milling in the shop.

Suddenly at a quarter to three things change. A redheaded ball of energy walks into the shop, Louise Gold, who takes up the Star’s position behind the counter. She’s very vivacious and has absolutely no side to her. Louise is dressed in a manner that is smart-casual and summery. She is wearing a pale grey top, with a white blouse (undone over it), and a long white skirt with a black pattern, on her feet she wears chunky-medium-heeled canvas sandals. She seems to have cut her hair a little shorter, or else pinned it tidy, it seems fairly tame, though pretty, and not too short, I prefer it a little wilder, but its still quite becoming, and I guess more suitable for the summer. She has a watch (with a large rectangular analogue face on her right wrist). Robert Meadmore enters, he joins Louise at the counter. At this the energy level rises dramatically. Louise Gold is so much the life and soul of a party. Chatting away loudly to absolutely everyone, no matter whether they are staff, stars or customers, she treats them all alike. Though she does make a point of saying to the customers “I’m just here for dressing, I can’t actually do anything”. Nevertheless she, like most of the stars who take up the counter position, does pass Chris whatever size plastic bag he requests, and sometimes puts people’s purchases in the bags. Louise decides she is going to buy some raffle tickets, but she appears to find raffle books a trifle confusing, so Robert Meadmore has to help her. These two then become something of a double act over promoting the raffle. Louise puts her powerful pipes to good use demanding that people buy raffle tickets, and when they do Robert appoints himself to the task of filling out the raffle books, saying “I’m head of raffle”. Even so, at some point the Theatrical Guild administrators may have some difficulty figuring out if he’s done it right.

Some else is trying to buy a CD of Brigadoon, and also a CD of Robert Meadmore’s. This provokes much jovial comment from Louise, who proceeds to tease Liz and Robert, with a somewhat coarse sense of humour.

The girl whom Philip had been helping earlier finally makes her CD purchases and leave. She is buying a lot. Whether it is Louise and Robert districting Chris so he didn’t cancel stuff properly, or whether the security system just decides to malfunction, we’ll never know, but somehow the security system goes off. So they have to call the girl back, which Louise does loudly. They get the girl the hand over her bag. She gets quite a joking berating from Louise, whose sense of humour gets the better of her usually kind nature; it’s noticeable that on subsequent occasions when the security alarm went off, although she’d always joke about it, she never went that far again.

Another customer’s purchases, include several CDs and a copy of Musical Stages magazine, Louise is supposed to be finding a plastic bag for that, but decides to start reading the magazine, well it does happen to have a review (by Lynda Trapnell) of the musical play Next Door’s Baby (which she was in). Chris asks the customer about some CDs left on the counter “Are you buying these?” to which the customer replies “Yes and, that magazine, when Louise has finished reading it.” After a few moments Louise shuts the magazine and puts it with the CDs, so that sale can be completed.

A contingent from Avenue Q turn up, along with a large lidded plastic box (evidently containing their puppets). They go down stairs and presently reappear armed with their puppets. Sharpe-eyed actress/puppeteer Louise Gold, still behind the counter, is among the first to spot them, exclaiming loudly for someone keep an eye on those bears, they look like they’re up to no good. The Bad Ideas Bears (performed by Mark Goldthorp and Mary Doherty) are soon joined by Trekkie Monster (performed by Chris Thatcher), and briefly by Kate Monster (performed by York Chen). Between them the puppets provide quite a distraction, prompting our veteran Muppeteer to yell at the customers “Please don’t stop buying just because there are monsters in the shop.” Louise is of course a fantastic person to have around at this point. She knows exactly how to deal with the situation, reacting as if the shop being invaded by Muppet-style puppets is the most natural thing in the world. But then of course not only has she actually done a cameo acting appearance on Sesame Street, she has a great deal of experience of this sort of situation from the puppeteer’s point of view.

The Avenue Q puppets chat to the customers, and they pose for photographs, as long as people put donations in the white bucket. They are being quite friendly, and though making the shop a little chaotic I felt they were not too out of control; And then, as if things weren’t already lively enough, Chris Thatcher, puppeteering Trekkie Monster, enlivened the proceedings by attempting the embrace The English Muppet right across the shop counter.

The Muppeteer wasn’t expecting it, and seemed unsure how to react. “Keep off the money” she barked at him, thinking he might be after the collecting buckets. But he simply flung his furry left arm round her neck. It was mentioned, to Trekkie, that Louise had worked on Spitting Image, and Sesame Street. Suddenly Louise knew just how to react. She yelled at Trekkie “So I know your sort”, as of course she certainly does, after all she first came to note as a puppeteer for her infamous way with the Muppet monsters, who always seemed to be particularly noticeably whenever she was in charge of them. So in my humble opinion Chris Thatcher’s performance of Trekkie was rather appropriate.

At around half past three the Avenue Q puppeteers leave DC’s Michael and Chris say to the puppeteers “Thanks Guys” as they exit, while eagle-eyed Louise remarks, with a glint in her sparkling brown eyes, “They’ve left their puppets”, a few minutes later, the other two members of the Avenue Q team carted out their plastic box.

Louise and Robert are still very much involved with selling raffle tickets, with Louise demanding people buy raffle tickets, if that doesn’t work she shouts at them to do so, until eventually most given in, possibly to shut her up for a few minutes, and if that still doesn’t work, at least with the men, she tries seduction, flirting with them until they agree to buy a raffle ticket, well she did with at least one of the men. Louise also puts her powerful pipes to good use whenever Chris needs to summon Michael, one of Dress Circle’s longest serving members of staff, to come and sort out a customer query, it’s always Louise who yells for him to come, because everyone can hear her. Louise also helps Chris and Michael with sorting out the change from the red raffle bucket (they need change for the till, so they want to replace some of it with notes.

By now the sound system CD is the Hairspray soundtrack. So Louise and Liz sing along to Good Morning Baltimore. Louise has been pretty loud all the time she’s been here, which is driving Chris mad, but when he shouts at her to pass him a bag, it makes her jump and she turns on him with “Don’t shout”. It really was a case of speak for yourself. Liz and Louise then elected to take their “tea break” at the shop counter.

A customer, one of Louise’s fans, whose purchases evidently haven’t been properly cancelled, going outside, causes the security system to go off again, and gets yelled at by Louise, but this time she confines it to their name. Another customer, a regular at Lauderdale, re-entering the shop also causes the system to go off (again purchases not having properly cancelled) “Well they didn’t do that when I went out” says the customer, while Louise exclaims loudly. “Stop Thief” but in such a manner that everyone knows she is truly joking, and just wanted an excuse to say that. This time, once Chris has put the customers purchases through the security cancel again, Louise kindly checks they’ve gone through this time, by taking them up to the doors.

Louise helps Chris tidy up the counter, by going and putting CDs back on the shelves, particularly taking one of Dirty Dancing CDs back to its place on the promotional stand. She remains by it for some time chatting to Liz.

Att around 4:35, Louise departs, with Liz quite rightly telling her “You did sterling work”. Louise Gold is such an amazing ball of energy, that as soon as she leaves it’s noticeable that the energy level really drops.

By five past five things are really slack, Liz and Robert step outside for a while, and Robert departs, but the even’s driving force, Liz returns to her post.

At around ten past five things pick up a little with the arrival of Caroline Sheen, as well as some more customers. Caroline soon proves to be another of those performers, like Philip Quast and Louise Gold, who just fits right into this sort of event. Someone with a fair amount of charisma, able to be larger than life, but at the same time very friendly to everyone, and not a bit stuck up, the sort who will chat to everyone; and has no side to them. Tony Timberlake and someone else from Spamalot, possibly Alan Dale and/or Robert Hands turns up. Tony in particular is very funny and fits right into the event.

One of the Jersey Boys, the one who wasn’t here earlier, puts in an appearance, to him Chris ends up pouring out what a manic day its been. He says that “Louise Gold and Robert Meadmore drove me mad”, particularly Louise, because she was yelling, he makes some remark about needing the noise abatement society. But still what can he expect from a woman whose mother played the farmer’s mother in Withnail and I?

At around five past six a bunch who were either in or watching Les Mis turn up, in the company of one of Caroline Sheen’s ex leading men. Caroline, who is being very friendly to all the customers, chatting to them casually trying to get to know them, gives her Les Mis friends some autographs (which of course they put a donation in for).

By quarter past six Caroline, the Jersey Boys and mostly the rest of the stars have left. The only ‘Star’ still there is Liz, who is looking a bit exhausted, so Chris gives her a cheer up hug. With only another five to ten minutes till closing time, Liz starts clearing away the raffle tickets and both buckets from the counter. It really is the end of an amazing day.

It was an amazing event. I think the best thing about it was that most of the stars taking part seemed to be very relaxed, friendly and not on ceremony. If you are the kind of person who thinks that “stars” should be “stars” and not fraternise with the hoi polloi then this event wouldn’t have suited you, and nor would most of this event’s “stars”. If however, you like your theatre stars to be approachable and friendly folk with larger than life personalities, then this event was just fantastic. Liz Robertson really did an amazing job organising and coordinating so much of a fabulous and very jolly memorable day. Besides Liz, I think there were three in particular who fitted the bill perfectly, Philip Quast, Caroline Sheen and above all irrepressible Louise Gold. Ok I’m biased, but so what. It was also a wonderful stroke of luck that the furry Avenue Q crowd (whose show was owes so much inspiration to The Muppets) chanced to co-inside with Louise Gold, a lady who some thirty years ago was featured in the TV Times Look-in magazine, as the new girl with The Muppets, where it was clear that they regarded her as very much one of their family; as a result she of all people knows just how to behave, as if marauding furry monsters in the shop is the most natural thing in the world. I don’t know if it was Louise’s crazy vivacious presence in the shop, or if the shear volume of her voice was distracting Chris, but for some strange reason the security tagging system kept going off accidentally when she was around, but generally didn’t when she wasn’t there. She must’ve had a funny effect on it.

Overall just a fantastic event, and where else but Dress Circle would one find a place to hold such an extraordinary very friendly, jolly charity event. Dress Circle occupies a very special niche in show business, as this event, coordinated by Theatrical Guild Chair Liz Robertson, and DC’s Melanie, in aid of The Theatrical Guild most certainly proved. Well done.

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